A Quiet Breath

Thoughts + Opinion

“I close my front door and turn on the light…I let out a breath and hold in a sigh”

Among the few constants in life, losing momentum might be the most frustrating. The progressive slide back into unwanted rhythms we thought were behind us. Seemingly unending new ways for the ebbs of life to sting us after our lofty highs. Abandoning projects and hobbies we know are good for us – things which make us feel better about ourselves – even though we quietly remind ourselves we should be doing working on them.

Things pile up around us, but in a deadly slow progression. Rooms become slowly less organized. Dust collects on things we are genuinely excited for but struggle to make time to enjoy. Our mind gets overclocked by glowing screens. Work asks for more than we want to give. The collective world seems to press its thumb on our individual scale.

Yet, part of us is always there, calling for us to push forward. Even while mentally encumbered and physically drained, a piece of us, – no matter how small – remembers the things we were hoping to work on. Particularly, the things that we know make us happier, however difficult.

Sometimes when you reach that point of looking around and feeling empty, all you can do is flip on the lights and look around. You take a breath, and figure out what to do first. You figure out how to take the first step, however small, to get back on track.

“I know it’s been a slow year, nothin’ much to show here…I didn’t really go for it, so not a lot to show for it”

It can be really disappointing to realize a point we’ve let ourselves get to. Physically, mentally, socially – whatever it is – a moment of true realization can be quickly followed by judgement. I’m certainly familiar with the experience, and it can easily put you in a worse spot if not careful in how you speak to yourself. All that matters in that moment, is for realization and judgement to combine and result in that first step. That first breath.

Schedules and expectations have a pretty transparent relationship with life and time – you can count on delays, disruptions, and missed expectations. All you can control is what you do when you have that moment of realization. That, in my experience, is the first real step toward anything meaningful – a conscious assessment and acknowledgement. A focused moment of self-reflection. Now that only counts pending how we choose to act on it, but I’ll leave that for another day.

Look at G+D. Anyone who’s been following can pretty quickly tell that I wouldn’t say this has gone according to plan or met my expectations of myself. I’ve missed every major public goal I’ve set for myself. So what now? I can pack it in, or make a plan and be better. I’ve definitely considered the former…heavily. But that’s not who I want to be. That’s not what that small piece of me is calling me to do.

See you tomorrow.
Nick

Quotes: Tame Impala
Inspirations: G+D, Moai, On Track

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